ludienyberg

 

 

 

 

Jag: "Välkomna till Ludvigs bloggskola! Trevligt att se... tre... pers här. Vad fan, jag hade ju satt upp affischer överallt." Janus: "Ja, jag är ju här i alla fall!" Jag: "Nähä, är du?! Vad bra!" Vanja: "Alltså, hallå... Kan vi börja nu eller? Jag ska faktiskt äta kräftor med min syster ikväll och vill inte bli sen." Putvard: "Ja, jag har faktiskt mycket att stå i jag också!" Jag: "Okej, käften då. Okej, regel nummer ett är att undvika videobloggar för det typ suger." Vanja: "Okej, jag drar." Jag: "Ja, gör det. Nästa regel är att fånga läsarens intresse med en smaskig rubrik på alla inlägg!" Janus: "Alltså, jag har läst din blogg... Jag tycker inte du har så smaskiga rubriker. Plus att du typ bara skriver om smurfar och Sagan om ringen och skit." Jag: "Jaha, och du skriver om...?" Janus: "Jag skriver om samhällets baksi..." Jag: "BAA, FY FAN VAD DÅLIGT!!! UT! DU SUGER! UNDERKÄND! Jaha, det verkar som om du är den ende kvar." Putvard: "Ja, minsann!" Jag: "Läs lite ur din blogg." Putvard: "Okej."

 

Putvard: "Kyla. Den kramar mitt inre som vore det ett gosedjur. Jag faller. Ned i köldens skugga. Vem är det?! Det är Natten. Natten med stort N. Jag ber honom. Natten! Vart är jag på väg?! Hjälp mig i min flykt! Men Natten svarar inte." Jag: "Mm... Ja, ut." Putvard: "Va?" Jag: "Jamen, shit. Jag tål inte din typ. Du försöker få folk att tro att du är djup genom att skriva massa svammel och kalla det poesi." Putvard: "Men du skriver ju dikter också! Eller förut." Jag: "Jamen, jag skriver inte som en tönt." Putvard: "MEH, DU ÄR FAN TÖNT!!!!!!!" Jag: "Nej du, lilla bajsponke där!" Putvard: "MEH DÖ!!!!!!!!!" Batman: "Men snälla herrn, nu är du väl ändå omogen så det både räcker och blir över?" Jag: "Tack, Batman. Vill du eskortera herr Arselbus till dörren?" Putvard: "JAG E INTE ARSELBUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Batman: "Han är faktiskt ganska mycket arselbus, tycker jag!" Putvard: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Ludie

Anakin has started to doubt that the Counsil trusts him. They just wont make him a Jedi master. He is outraged. Anakin: "I am outraged!" Obi-Wan: "Calm down, Anakin! You almost sound like you want to turn to the dark side! If you do that I am gonna have to kill you! And boy, would that be an emotionally painful thing for me to do!" Anakin: "You don't trust me either! The only one who trusts me is Palpatine!" Obi-Wan: "Yes, but he is nothing but a bad influence on you! I bet he teaches you naughty things! Like slaughtering children and... wear creepy hoods and stuff..." Anakin: "He does no such things! Palpatine seems to be the only one capable of running this republic! I bet under his leadership everything will work out fine. It's not like he's gonna build a giant death star!" Obi-Wan: "I kind of think he will..." Anakin: "Fuck you!" Obi-Wan: "Aha! You never cursed before! Palpatine has taught you bad language!"

 

Yoda enters the room. Yoda: "Obi-Wan, talk to that guy you shouldn't. Trusted he cannot be. A Jedi master he is like very far from becoming." Anakin: "Yoda, what will I have to do to gain your trust?!" Yoda: "Kill Palpatine." Anakin: "Aw, come on!!! What is your problem with him?" Yoda: "An asshole he is. A bad influence on you I think he is." Obi-Wan: "That's what I said! I just didn't use that fucked up grammar." Yoda: "Fucked up my grammar is not!" Anakin: "Master Yoda, killing an old man like you suggest is not the Jedi way!" Yoda: "Telling me what's right you are? Eh, fuck you?" Anakin: "That's it! I will not have this!" Obi-Wan: "Wait! There's a disturbance in the Force! Oh, shit, Padmé just died." Anakin: "WHAT??!!!" Obi-Wan: "Yeah, she died of hopelessness because somebody has turned to the dark side." Yoda: "Wonder who that somebody is we do not." Anakin: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Ludie

Kim Jong Un is having a meeting with is military officers/daycare staff. He has a very serious expression on his face so you can really tell this guymeans business. Kim: "Soon America will pay! Moaha! Moaha!" Officer #1: "Uh, yeah! Moahaha! We'll show them, all right!" Kim: "Is everything going according to plan?" Officer #1: "Of course, sir! We are totally taking pictures of missiles and stuff and show them to the world, so yeah." Kim: "Great." Batman: "Not so fast, asshole!" Kim: "BAAAAAA!!!! Who the fuck are you?! Oh no, I said fuck! I'll have to put a penny in the swear jar! Bring me the swear jar!!!" Officer #1: "Immediately, sir!" Kim: "And you! I've never heard of you before!" Batman: "Not surprising! You live in a country that hasn't seen sunlight in a hundred years! That you are speaking English right now is nothing short of a miracle." Officer #1: "I accidently broke your swear jar, sir, I'm sorry. You can put a penny in this ashtray until we get you a knew one."

 

Kim: "You broke my swear jar?! Ähääääääääääääääää!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Batman: "Bummer, dude." Officer: "As I said, sir, I'm terribly sorry and will off course buy you a new one on the next big sale." Kim: "I WANT MY FUCKING SWEAR JAR!!! FUCK, I SAID FUCK AGAIN!!! Now I owe like... three pennies... Fix the jar!!" Officer #1: "But, sir, that's impossible!" Kim: "Go back in time and prevent yourself from fucking breaking it in the first place!" Officer #1: "Sir, we don't have a time machine!" Kim: "Then build one, Einstein, do I have to do all the thinking here?" Batman: "Jesus Christ, why am I even here...?" Kim: "Who sent you here?!" Batman: "A guy named Ludvig Nyberg, you might have heard of him." Kim: "I have, I like his blog. HOW'S THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE, OFFICER IDROPPEOPLESSWEARJARSALLTHETIME?!" Officer #1: "I'm watching Back to the future, see if I can get some ideas!" Kim: "Watch faster!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!" Officer #1: "SHUT UP!!!" Kim: "ÄHÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ!!!!!!!!!"

 

Ludie