ludienyberg

Harold is about to propose to his beloved girlfriend Heather. Harold: "Oh, Heather. Your beauty is equalled only by a summer sunset with clear skies. Will you..." Heather's ex, Gerald, enters the scene. Gerald: "What is this?! Heather, don't tell me you are actually considering marriage with this disgraceful man! I am the man of your dreams! Marry me!" Heather: "Oh, I am ever so confused! I love you both just as much. What sayeth my heart?" Heather's heart: "Marry Gerald!" Harold: "SHUT THE FUCK UP, HEART!!!" Heather: "Harold! That is in no way appropriate! I was raised Christian and I will not have any profanity in my presence, is that clear?" Gerald: "Oh fuck, I stepped in dogshit. But yay! Your heart wants you to marry me!" Heather's heart: "Yeah, totally." Heather: "Oh, Gerald! How delightful this is!" They embrace each other. Harold: "Not so fast!"

 

Harold is pointing a gun at the couple. Heather's heart: "See, this is why, yeah, you know..." Harold: "Silence! I have not come this far only to loose you, Heather! You will come with me to Paris! There we will marry each other and have three little babies! BABIES!!! But first, I shall murder this lout!" Heather: "No! What an awful man you are! I will never marry you, nor will I give birth to your children!" Gerald: "Yeah, you are indeed a dreadful man!" Harold: "ZIP IT!!!!!!!!! The next word you speak will undoubtedly be your last so choose wisely!" Heather's heart: "Cockface." Gerald shoots Heather's heart. Harold: "Ooh... Well, if is not a cruel fate, I don't know what is." Gerald: "Oh, you poorly educated jerk! Now, nobody get's what he wants! Heather is dead!" Harold: "Or maybe she... is dead, yeah. Fuck."

 

Ludie