Twilight
Bella is doing laundry when suddenly ten evil fucking vampires show up to kill her!!! Aaaaaaa!!!! Bella: "Om my God! I sure hope I survive! It would be a real bummer if I died!" Edward and Jacob enters the room. Edward: "Stop, evil vampires! Do not under any circumstances hurt my girlfriend!" Jacob: "Eheee? Your girlfriend? You totally did not just refer to her as your girlfriend, did you?" Edward: "I believe I did, fucking... dog-guy." Jacob: "Ähääääääääääääääääääää!!!!!!!!! Bella, is this true?! Are you two a couple? Cause if you are I will shoot myself in the face with my dad's gun! Do you really want that on your fucking conscience?!" Edward: "Shooting yourself in the face would just improve it. OOOOH, SE-NAP, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Jacob: "FUCK YOU!" Evil vampire #1: "SHUT UP!!!! We're here to kill Bella, not watch some fucking Jerry Springer show!" Edward: "Over my dead b... fuck, I mean... don't kill her!" Edward starts fighitng the evil vampires.
Jacob: "Bella! Now's are chance! Let's get out of here, go to... Poland or something and have three little babies! BABIES!!!!" Bella: "No! You're a douche! You think just because you have abs it's OK for you to take your shirt off everywhere." Jacob: "I only do that when I'm about to transform into a werewolf!" Bella: "Oh, OK. Because you can't do that with your shirt on. Fucking retard." Jacob: "YOU'RE A FUCKING RETARD!!!!" Bella: "Edward! Jacob called me a retard!" Edward, who has slaughtered all the evil vampires, turns to Jacob. Edward: "Well, I'll be a son of a gun... Really, Jacob? You wanna do this?" Jacob: "Bring it, Whitey." Edward punches Jacob through the wall, into the street where he gets hit by a car. Bella: "Edward, what the...?" Edward: "He kind of had it coming." Bella: "Yeah, OK. I'm gonna continue with the laundry now..."
Ludie