Presidentvalet
Det närmar sig presidentval! Här är den sista avgörande debatten mellan Obama och Romney:
Obama: "You suck!" Romney: "Oh, it's on!" Obama: "Hell yeah, it's on! It has been for the last year!" Romney: "You're ugly!" Obama: "Oh, no you di'int! Your politics are inhumane!" Romney: "Hey, don't slander me, girlfriend! You have a shitty attitude!" Jag: "Guys! Guys! Why all the fighting?" Obama: "The fuck are you?" Jag: "Well, for the looks of it, I should be a third candidate, ho ho ho!" Romney: "Point? Will there be one?" Jag: "Oh, yes, Mittie! Here is my point! I dream of an America where health care is for free! I dream of an America where guns are only allowed for those with a license! I dream of an America where Hollywood actually start making good movies again and not all these bullshit sequels, remakes and reboots. I dream of an America where college is a lot cheaper!"
I fängelset fick jag fortsätta mitt tal, om än inför en mindre publik bestående av två knarkare och en djurplågare. Jag: "I dream of an America where McDonald's has a weight limit for it's guests! I dream of an America where the politicians actually can be atheists and not be totally murdered for it. I dream of an America where they use the meter-system because come on, nobody understands this inch-feet-mile-thing you do. Nobody. I dream of an America where everybody accepts that Elvis is dead. I dream of fuck, I don't have any more..." Guard: "Your bail has been paid." Jag: "Hurray! Who paid it?" Obama och Romney: "We did!" Jag: "Oh, you guys! You shouldn't have!"
Ludie