ludienyberg

Priest: "We have gathered here today to give this newborn little baby his name. I ask, in the name of the Holy Lord and Jesus and the Holy Ghost, everyone with capitalized names, what name hast thou given to your baby?" Dad: "Paul." Mom: "What?! Fuck you! His name is Marcus! We agreed on this!" Dad: "Fuck you, right back! We didn't agree on anything. I said that Marcus is a shitty name. So... yeah, fuck you." Mom: "Fuck you! Paul is the shittiest name in history! If you look it up in a dictionary it will say Paul is the shittiest name in history." Priest: "Can I please ask you something?" Dad: "Shoot." Priest: "WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU AGREE ON A FUCKING NAME BEFORE YOU FUCKING BAPTIZE YOUR FUCKING SON!?" Dad: "Can you say fuck in church? I don't think you can say fuck in church." Mom: "No, he's right, you can't say fuck in church. That's against the clergy laws." Priest: "Fuck the clergy laws!"

 

Now God spoke. God: "What the fuck is going on this time?" Dad: "He said fuck in church!" Priest: "That's not the problem here! The problem is you two are fucking dipshits!" Mom: "The only dipshit I can see is the dipshit who shit the dip in the shitdip!" Dad: "Someone took a shit in the dip?" Mom: "Yes." Dad: "Eeeeeeeeew!" Priest: "Can we go on with this baptism-thing?!" God: "Holy fuck, someone took a shit in the dip?!" Dad: "Yes! This is an outrage!" God: "Oh, when I find the prick who did this..." Priest: "OK, I DID IT! I TOOK A SHIT IN THE DIP!" Mom: "My word!" Dad: "Well, I'll be..." God: "Gosh darn it, hallelujah..." Dad: "That's fucking disgusting, dude. What's wrong with you?" Baby: "Yeah, what the fuck, man? You can't shit in the dip, you zippy-di-dipshit!" God: "Yo!" Dad: "Way to go, Paul! You're gonna become a rapper!" Priest: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

 

Ludie